I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
