put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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