We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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