Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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