Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
