I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
