So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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