I wanna bring you to show and tell
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
