We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
