I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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