I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
