Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
