So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
