woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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