Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
