I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
