If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
