He asked to "fluff my boner.."
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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