The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
