Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
we're so committed to being not committed
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
