oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
birth control should be required to get into college
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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