that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
