Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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