THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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