he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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