will power is for people who don't want to get laid
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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