i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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