Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
