I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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