Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
There's always time for handjobs
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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