I'll bet she douches with gravy.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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