Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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