Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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