we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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