I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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