K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
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