Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
