My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
