drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
