3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
