I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
