she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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