Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
