you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
