i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
