why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
