11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize