Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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