weddingsv make me drug and hornr
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
