Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
