It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
we're making bets on your personal life
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
