I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
