saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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