I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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