so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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