nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize