I think I died a long time ago.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
