just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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