people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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