What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
