it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize