'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
