I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Randomize
