Quick, to the slutcave!
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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