oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
