he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
