The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
