So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
