i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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