what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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