Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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