She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
