i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
