he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i dont even know how to be here
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
