terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
