I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
