I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
