Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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