just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
