All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
