The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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