He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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