True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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