covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
