Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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