I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize