Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
