So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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