Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Randomize
