im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
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