Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You were trust falling into bushes
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
