so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
