His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize