You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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